Parenthood: The First Week

*Disclaimer: This post contains some graphic content on account of it being a story about the after effects of childbirth. Read on at your own risk.


Well, Sebastian is now 8 days old. It's hard to believe a week has already passed since bringing my beautiful son into this world. It's been a whirlwind of an adventure. There is so much that people don't tell you about the first days of motherhood. There are a ton of obstacles to overcome, adjustments to be made, and tears to be had. But, on the same token, there are so many moments of awe and joy and just profound love for someone you created.

We've had our challenges. Breastfeeding for one. I spent my first night at home crying hysterically with Sebastian as we tried and failed time and time again to get him to eat. His progress at the hospital seemed to be like Vegas...it stayed there as we drove off into the sunset. Over the first few days at home, I seriously doubted my ability to feed my child. He would scream and push away while simultaneously trying to find my breast and eat. Once he would finally latch, he would nurse for about 10 minutes and then fall asleep. How on earth was he supposed to be full after only 10 minutes! I had an 8 pound baby. He was supposed to be hungry and eat for an hour in my eyes. My nipples hurt terribly due to the first days of learning to latch and every feeding was a nightmare of searing pain while I tried to fight through it for the sake of feeding him. Finally, we decided to supplement with formula. Neither of us were making any progress with me being stressed out about his feeding schedule. After that first bottle or two, things started to level out and he even started seeking out the breast on his own accord. I cried with relief and pride that night. We're still supplementing with formula but he gets way more nursing sessions than bottle sessions at this point and he doesn't seem to have any bit of nipple confusion or milk confusion. It's nice having he best of both worlds.


Before experiencing childbirth firsthand, I thought for sure that my recovery would be somewhat easy. I expected some pain, but not the level that I have had. Nobody tells you that the area the baby actually comes out of doesn't hurt. Noooo... it's the other side. The backside. Or the Dark Side as I like to think of it. And, unfortunately, everything you do is connected to your ass. Coughing, sneezing, laughing, puking, etc. Sitting is torture, walking makes you want to vomit, and going to the bathroom...well, let's just say my first time I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I'd have a good day or two and then I'd have a setback. I know my recovery is a little more difficult than it would have otherwise been if not for the 4th degree tear. However, this past week has had me doubting future children. I hope I do forget the painful parts, because it's not something I'm anxious to do again. Not anytime soon.


It seems like it's been an awful first week... and it's true. Some parts have been positively horrid. But, every time I look into Sebastian's eyes...even as he's murdering my breasts...it's all worth it. He is healthy and happy and is a wonderful baby. He sleeps through the night fairly well...only waking once or twice to get changed and eat and then he goes back down. I know that'll change once the newborn sleepiness wears off, but for now it is nice. He had his first pedi appointment yesterday and got a good bill of health. And, he's gaining weight nicely, so I'm not nearly as stressed about his feeding anymore. (Of course, today, he started cluster feeding every 2 hours for about an hour at at time...he's on his way to being a chunker, I'm sure.)

Having my family here has been a Godsend. I could not have done it without my mom, dad, sister and aunt. They have been here to help me through the learning curve. Yes, there is a certain level of maternal instinct that we have as mothers, but it is so easy to second guess yourself and doubt yourself. I have to remember that I truly do know what's best for him, but it's so hard when the nurses and doctors pump you full of textbook information. The truth is...there are no textbooks that can tell you how to parent. You have to rely on your instincts...but it's helpful to have family around to remind you that you are doing a good job and making all the right decisions.

I will admit, that even though I swore I wouldn't be...I'm super paranoid. Having my mom here at night is the only way I've been able to sleep this week. Otherwise, I'd be up all night long staring at him...making sure he's still breathing. I'm terrified inside sometimes, and I'm trying to control that. I know it's all in God's hands and that my baby will be just fine, but it's hard not to worry myself sick about him. It sounds so cliche but it really is incredible just how much I love him. He is my greatest achievement.

Right now, he is sleeping next to me...full from his bottle. His little hands curled up under his chin... and my heart melts. I'm trying to savor these little moments. Even though I'm in pain, tired, and a little scared...I know I can't get them back and they are more precious to me than anything in the world. I'm off to stare at my angel sleeping.