I know it's been a couple of weeks, but I have a perfectly valid excuse. Turns out, once family leaves and it's just you and the Kidlet at home alone, time isn't exactly on your side. Babies sleep a LOT, but the increments they sleep in aren't exactly conducive to productivity. I change him, feed him, burp him, and rock him back to sleep and he sleeps just long enough for me to choose to do one of the following:
Eat
Shower
Clean
Make a phone call
Sleep
Just one of those. There is never time to do all or even 2 of those things. I must choose between ONE. Blogging tends to take a backseat to say...eating or sleeping. Except tonight. I should have gone to sleep awhile ago when S went down. But I didn't...and now, it's too late. If I turn off the lamp and the tv and shut down my computer...my eyes will close just in time to hear him stir. Or scream. Whatever.
So, instead, I'm taking the time to touch base. Fill you guys in on the world as I know it now. Clearly, I smell, am sleep deprived, my house is a wreck and I'm starving. Okay...I really don't smell. I did shower tonight.
I wish I could say that we're settling into a routine, but that's a lie. Newborns don't "do routines" I have gathered. No, they like to call the shots. Mix it up on you. He is going through a growth spurt right now. Again. So, whereas previously 5-6oz of formula would net me at least 3 hours, sometimes 2 depending on how active we were being, now he'll eat a couple of ounces, pass out, and then be back up 30 minutes later screaming for more. *sigh*
Speaking of formula, I quit breastfeeding a week ago. It was just too much to get used to a baby and I alone in the house and he was cluster feeding so I couldn't do anything. I couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't get up to get anything to eat or drink. He would eat for an hour to an hour and a half and then 10 minutes later be ready to go again. So, I made the move to exclusively formula feeding. I have really struggled with that decision. I feel like I have failed as a mom in so many ways. My rational brain says that's ridiculous, but the mommy guilt is strong in this one and I can't seem to shake the feeling that I gave up too soon. I'm working on re-establishing my supply so that we can try again, but I'm also struggling with THAT decision. Do I just get over my own hang-ups regarding formula and let my kid get fed the easiest and fastest way...or do I give him what is supposedly "best" for him even if that means a few more weeks of stress and adjustment for both of us? I am kicking myself for giving up. If I had stuck it out, at this point we would have been through the hardest part. But, now it feels like we're back to square one.
I really don't have much more to say right now. The haze is starting to set in on my eyes, so I'm going to try to sleep. Even if only for 5 minutes before he wakes again...perhaps soon I can get back here and finish my thoughts.
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